...I see. [That is a bit relieving. So long as it wasn't a sudden change, then...
But again, he wonders. He wonders if it's because of how he behaved toward her. They joked about it, but their couple-like antics... They easily could have influenced her. Yet...those moments...hadn't exactly been ill-received by either of them. It had been...comfortable. Natural. He hadn't thought much about it because...
...Because when it first started happening, he never saw Leia as more than just a friend. Something like a sister. A girl he could pal around with without having to worry about those kind of misconceptions. But even that had started to change within the past few months, and that might have been why he had mixed feelings about it. When he started to become more aware that she just wasn't some "other girl," and her birthday had really brought a few of those points home.
And again, there's the problem of what it is he feels. Is it just an odd attraction? Or...like her, is there some deep meaning to those past feelings, those urges. Even if she likes him, even if it's mutual...is he even allowed to feel that way?
Now something else is at play here. Past guilt. Past insecurities.
They make him take a breath and start to speak again.]
Leia, I—I'm happy you feel that way about me, but this... It can't happen. [Even as he hears himself say those words, he feels a rather strange pain. Maybe a part of him did want it. Even if he doesn't fully realize it and may realize it later that night when he thinks over this, he's been the happiest when he's around her. He feels the most comfortable, the most himself. So his subconscious is reacting to that even if right now he doesn't fully understand it.
The words just continue fall out, almost automatically.] We're eleven years apart, you're still going through new experiences, I still have to get my act together. Even if I— [Again he stops himself, looking away.] There are plenty of other guys who would be better for you.
[Someone who won't have had shot you in the back already. Who won't hurt you like I have.]
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But again, he wonders. He wonders if it's because of how he behaved toward her. They joked about it, but their couple-like antics... They easily could have influenced her. Yet...those moments...hadn't exactly been ill-received by either of them. It had been...comfortable. Natural. He hadn't thought much about it because...
...Because when it first started happening, he never saw Leia as more than just a friend. Something like a sister. A girl he could pal around with without having to worry about those kind of misconceptions. But even that had started to change within the past few months, and that might have been why he had mixed feelings about it. When he started to become more aware that she just wasn't some "other girl," and her birthday had really brought a few of those points home.
And again, there's the problem of what it is he feels. Is it just an odd attraction? Or...like her, is there some deep meaning to those past feelings, those urges. Even if she likes him, even if it's mutual...is he even allowed to feel that way?
Now something else is at play here. Past guilt. Past insecurities.
They make him take a breath and start to speak again.]
Leia, I—I'm happy you feel that way about me, but this... It can't happen. [Even as he hears himself say those words, he feels a rather strange pain. Maybe a part of him did want it. Even if he doesn't fully realize it and may realize it later that night when he thinks over this, he's been the happiest when he's around her. He feels the most comfortable, the most himself. So his subconscious is reacting to that even if right now he doesn't fully understand it.
The words just continue fall out, almost automatically.] We're eleven years apart, you're still going through new experiences, I still have to get my act together. Even if I— [Again he stops himself, looking away.] There are plenty of other guys who would be better for you.
[Someone who won't have had shot you in the back already. Who won't hurt you like I have.]
...I'm sorry.